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fox in socks
06-16-2010, 12:20 AM
it just needs to be said again:
money
sleep
flexibility to be lazy, travel, stay up late, sleep in
no sticky fingers in your hair, on your clothes, or on your walls
no sassy bratty tweens and teens


those are some of my reasons. as well as the fact that i dont have the patience nor the desire for parenting. gimmie your reasons again. ive forgotten in the move.

Kala
06-16-2010, 12:24 AM
Never had a burning desire to be a mom. Is that sufficient? Not sure about for you, but it works for me.

fox in socks
06-16-2010, 12:35 AM
i always felt fraudulent talking about "when i have kids" with my gotta-be mom friends back in the day. i shouldve known when i chose gi joes over cabbage patch kids. i figured eventually my rumoured biological clock would ramp up or something. ive given up on that. my boys grandmother should too.

Kala
06-16-2010, 12:44 AM
I am really fortunate to have very loving and open-minded parents who didn't bug me about my choice.

Robin Sparkles
06-16-2010, 01:03 AM
I simply have no desire - nothing about having children appeals to me. I know so many parents that love their new "identity" as a parent and that's great for them, but a life of dirty diapers and sleepless nights is not something I want to partake in. I love my freedom, bottom, line.

Robin Sparkles
06-16-2010, 01:04 AM
Oh, and my mother wants more grandchildren (she already has four). She's not incessant about it, but she does ask when my boyfriend and I are going to start making babies.

stillorbiting
06-16-2010, 04:35 AM
I simply have no desire - nothing about having children appeals to me. I know so many parents that love their new "identity" as a parent and that's great for them, but a life of dirty diapers and sleepless nights is not something I want to partake in. I love my freedom, bottom, line.

Yep, it's this for me too. I've never had even the slightest desire. And if that ever changes for some crazy reason, I'm sure I can logic my way out of it.

Kala
06-16-2010, 04:46 AM
i dont have the patience nor the desire


Never had a burning desire


I simply have no desire


I've never had even the slightest desire

Seems to be a common thread here: we don't DESIRE having children. Damn good reason not to.

Canodiva1
06-16-2010, 06:34 AM
I like my nieces and nephews well enough, it's fun to watch them grow up and they're good kids. But I still have no desire to have one of my own.

eednic
06-16-2010, 01:21 PM
Oh, and my mother wants more grandchildren (she already has four). She's not incessant about it, but she does ask when my boyfriend and I are going to start making babies.

Ahahahhaha! My mother NEVER asks me that! I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me to have kids. Of course, I don't particularly want to have them either. Besides, Erik has 2 lovely daughters already. I'm sure even step-parenting them is going to be a big change for me/us, and I don't think adding more kids on top of that is in our best interests. Now, if I did get pregnant by some chance, I would probably have the baby. I think Erik is a great father, and I wouldn't want anyone else in my life to be my partner in parenting should I choose to have kids. But do I have the innate desire to pop one out? No, no I don't. I never have. I don't know if that will change or not.

Nancy
06-16-2010, 01:25 PM
Never had the desire, and also I think there are too many people in the world as it is.

Brian
06-16-2010, 04:33 PM
While I do understand the population concerns, the world is still gonna plateau at about 11 billion sometime this century, regardless of whether more Ameri-European folks have a single kid or not.

And I also sort of agree with the prologue to Idiocracy in that most of the people who are actually having lots of kids are precisely the ones who, pretty objectively, shouldn't be having any and offsetting that with more children in progressive, secular households can only be positive.

Still, I've also never had the desire, and the time was never right.

My mother pines, but now that I'm divorced and my brother is married to an older woman who already has 5 and wants no more, she's resigned to the fact that her sisters are gonna get all the grandkids (my mom's losing 6 to 5 to none). Sorry mom.

Zomino
06-16-2010, 09:25 PM
Same here - no sustainable desire. Luckily neither my parents nor my boyfriend's parents bother us about it. My sister is 35 and trying madly for her first however - I think I will love being an aunt!

SweetPea
06-16-2010, 09:35 PM
I have absolutely no desire to pop out some tiny life-sucking, poop machine. My mother would LOVE for my husband and I to have kids. My little brother just provided the first grandkid so I think I'm off the hook for a while. Although, I still get the "it's your turn now" bullshit *sigh*

The main reason is that childbirth is fucking gross... and the only ass I ever want to wipe is my own. >_<

fox in socks
06-16-2010, 11:43 PM
I like my nieces and nephews well enough, it's fun to watch them grow up and they're good kids. But I still have no desire to have one of my own.its funny. i get the "but youre so good with kids" thing. i mean, im "good" i guess because i dont have to take them home. its like a new toy. seriously. if i play with kids too long, i get bored. plus the negatives dont make it "all worth it" to me. im missing out on some stuff, true. but im also missing out on some stuff by not being a man, by not being a doctor, by not living in south africa, but not eating meat, etc. its not something i miss.

i must say, i get less family pressure about kids since my sis in law had one and less pressure from co-workers now that i stopped working in small town USA.

jeth
06-17-2010, 12:38 AM
No desire ever, ever, ever. I always said if I changed my mind I'd adopt because it's socially responsible. Plus I never wanted to pass on my genetic legacy to what would likely turn out to be a three headed fish baby with a high risk of developing either cancer or heart problems.

I'm actually going to ask about the Essure procedure when I go in for my exam in a few months. I'd like to have it done around Christmas so I have a few days off to recover (though it sounds like that won't be necessary, I'm told is pretty much pain free). I'm just excited that, now that my doctor is on board with the idea that me + kids = not going to happen, I won't get bingoed when I make my request.

hollerskates
06-17-2010, 03:17 AM
i just read a bit about essure and found out my doctor is essure certified! i will definitely be asking her about this at my next appointment.

sara
06-17-2010, 03:43 AM
I'm in the "never desired" them club. I'm more of a pet person. I see a cute puppy or cat and squeal over it like people do with babies.
My best friend and his wife are new parents now and he's definitely got that new identity that comes along with being a parent. My cousin did the same thing. I never really understood why, for some people, having a kid immediately changes your identity from person to parent.

ontheindianside
06-17-2010, 11:27 AM
I just don't really like kids - whether they're 14 months or 14 years old. And I also like my freedom.

I have no idea how my mother feels about it (I think she has her suspicions, but she would never encourage me unless I were married, which certainly isn't happening any time soon - if ever). But I'm lucky enough to have two sisters, at least one of whom definitely wants kids (and is already married), so the grandkid burden is spread around.

eurotrash
06-17-2010, 05:34 PM
I thought for a long time that I'd have one. Then I realized I don't want to pass on my particular set of health-related genetics. So I thought I'd adopt. And then as I was ending a relationship with someone who really wants to be a father, I realized that I was trying too hard. I have absolutely no pressure from friends, family, or society to have a baby. Now I can't even imagine it being something I ever truly wanted. It was some misguided idea of "having it all" feminism.

Now I'm with a partner who's equally disinterested in children and it's so fucking freeing to just not think about it anymore. We're incorporating and starting a business which is our version of marriage and baby, and I'm absolutely thrilled. THIS is what I wanted.

Besides, my friends are at the breeding stage. If I really need to cuddle an infant, I can borrow one of theirs for a while.

Homogenik
06-18-2010, 10:39 PM
i'm gay and I'm 30. Not saying it can't happen but, well, ain't exactly the winning combination.

Chalk
06-18-2010, 11:28 PM
I'm in the "never desired" them club. I'm more of a pet person. I see a cute puppy or cat and squeal over it like people do with babies.


Me too. I've never felt the desire to have a baby, but I miss having a pet. I really want a dog, (or a cat) but it's not possible for me at the moment. However, I have plenty of friends with cats (and a dog) that I can cuddle with whenever the cats let me. The dog is always happy.

eta: See, I like to talk more about animals, than a potential spawn.

sara
06-18-2010, 11:43 PM
Me too. I've never felt the desire to have a baby, but I miss having a pet. I really want a dog, (or a cat) but it's not possible for me at the moment. However, I have plenty of friends with cats (and a dog) that I can cuddle with whenever the cats let me. The dog is always happy.

eta: See, I like to talk more about animals, than a potential spawn.

Me too. I was talking with my cousin on FB chat one night and all she did was talk about her kid, so I started going "oh! the cat just did the cutest thing. let me tell you about it!".

GirlForPele
06-19-2010, 07:00 PM
Never had the desire, and also I think there are too many people in the world as it is.

This. IF I were to have children, and that's probably not going to happen, I'd just adopt. So many children need homes. But pregnancy and childbirth? No thanks.

Tulip In A Cup
06-20-2010, 11:24 PM
I agree with all the reasons above but one other is I think pregnant bellies are ugly and gross and I don't find pregnancy or giving birth to a living thing beautiful or a miracle like a lot of people.

Churumbela
06-21-2010, 12:11 AM
i just read a bit about essure and found out my doctor is essure certified! i will definitely be asking her about this at my next appointment.

I would really like to look into this, but my Gyn is an ARNP, not an actual doctor. I know we have one doctor in the Women's Health department who can do them, but I don't want to have to start going to a whole new Gyn (who is a man).

I'd love to have it done, though; maybe people at work would stop bingoing me. I'm so tired of hearing, "Oh, you'll change your mind when you get older!" I'm freaking 30. If my biological clock was gonna freak out, I'm assuming it would have started ticking audibly by now.

C33
06-21-2010, 12:25 AM
I don't think birth or pregnancy is disgusting.. and life itself is pretty miraculous to me.

But yeah.. similar story.

No desire beyond playing games like MASH with my sisters as a child and discussing how many kids we'd have when we grew up and what their names would be.

I have three beautiful nieces, all of whom I love dearly.

Nearly 7 billion people and counting.

Handling myself is challenging enough, thanks though.

Churumbela
06-21-2010, 12:32 AM
I don't think birth or pregnancy is disgusting.. and life itself is pretty miraculous to me.


Well, that's the beauty of opinions, isn't it? I think pregnancy (and pregnant women I've known have said as much) can be pretty darn gross. I mean "mucus plug." That says quite enough right there.

C33
06-21-2010, 12:42 AM
I'm not saying I wanna watch a marathon of birthing videos or something ; ) I was in the delivery room when my first niece was born and I stayed away until the very end. And if tomorrow I woke up a pregnant female whose water just broke, I would not be pleased for a multitude of reasons, I'm sure!

But from my perspective, I'm not disgusted by pregnancy or birth. I don't expect everyone to share my point of view.

SrslyChris
06-21-2010, 03:10 AM
And aren't miracles something that happens on rare occasions? A baby is born every second of every day. Not exactly a miracle...

JayPeaches
06-21-2010, 03:13 AM
I think the process of creating another being (human or creature) is pretty weird and amazing, but so are lots of other things. Birth, on the other hand, I find violent and disgusting, especially since I found out that most women take a shit while pushing the baby out.

I knew this photographer when I worked in publishing who was so fascinated by the birth of his child that he had a massive photo of it crowning in his wife's vagina in the foyer of his house. Like, you walked in the front door and came face-to-face with a 24x24 close-up of his wife's vagina with a hairy head peaking out. NO. NO!

C33
06-21-2010, 03:15 AM
As I said, I find life itself to be pretty miraculous.. full of birth and death and rebirth.. a constant state of regeneration and transformation. The fact that I can plant a tiny seed in a the ground and a few months later be slicing open a watermelon, tomato, or pepper (etc) is pretty amazing to me. Anyone can plant a seed. It happens all the time. That doesn’t make it any less incredible.

At least not to me.

Medusa
06-21-2010, 04:05 AM
its funny. i get the "but youre so good with kids" thing..

I get that all the time, too. Mostly from my mom, who thinks that by reminding me of the fact that children seem to like me, she'll encourage me to get knocked up.

Lots of people will say that they think my boyfriend would be a really great daddy, too, which I find kind of hilarious. I'm sure he WOULD be a good dad. I'd probably be a good mom. That means that you should do it? Uh, OK. What incentive.

somAiroTevoLI
06-21-2010, 07:26 AM
I can barely take care of myself.

Canodiva1
06-21-2010, 07:40 AM
I think the process of creating another being (human or creature) is pretty weird and amazing, but so are lots of other things. Birth, on the other hand, I find violent and disgusting, especially since I found out that most women take a shit while pushing the baby out.

I knew this photographer when I worked in publishing who was so fascinated by the birth of his child that he had a massive photo of it crowning in his wife's vagina in the foyer of his house. Like, you walked in the front door and came face-to-face with a 24x24 close-up of his wife's vagina with a hairy head peaking out. NO. NO!

Holy fuck. I can't imagine his wife being okay with that.

SparkleMotion
06-22-2010, 04:24 AM
I was reading the letter to the editor section in my local paper and read something that put this thread in mind (with all the "miracle" talk). Some lady wrote in complaining about Lady Gaga and all her crazy fashion moments and behavior. She goes on to say that isn't being creative blahblahblah. She then goes on to say that the most creative thing a woman can do is to have a child. After I stopped gagging on my cereal I though, "What a horrible thing to say!" It goes back to what Kari said about it being something any animal can do. And yes, technically you created something but it hardly takes an actual talent like it would to, oh I don't know, write a song or play an instrument. Plus, I'm thinking what about those women who can't have children or simply don't want them? Somehow I'm supposed to believe they are creatively deficient? There aren't enough eye rolls in the world...

Nancy
06-22-2010, 09:32 AM
What I don't like to see is people who don't make any effort to plan their own lives. They will let fate or god decide when they have a child, when this is one of the few areas of life that you can make your own decision about, and plan for responsibly. I also see a lot of young people who seem to think of a child as an accessory, like Paris Hilton's dog.

Scottish Mike
06-22-2010, 09:59 AM
^ or a good way to get a council house (according to a girl I knew in high school).

I couldn't cope with the responsibility (I leave bags on the train, forget to water plants) and, quite honestly, I'm way too selfish. Simple as. I like my £££ and my time to be my own. (And there's enough people on the planet as it is.)

Churumbela
06-22-2010, 10:10 PM
What on earth is creative about spitting out a kid? I mean, you pretty much have nothing to do with it. Cell division is not a creative process, it's just something that happens naturally. That's not impressive.

Morgan
06-22-2010, 10:30 PM
Being able to have sex whenever you want to, without fear of a kid wandering in.

Mori
06-22-2010, 11:21 PM
I'm sort of forced into responsibility for my nephew. My sister and the baby live with my parents and I (believe me, the tension in our house is so thick...yadda yadda yadda), so I get the fun of being "the aunt". So that means when my sister is at school or meetings, it's either my mom or me who ends up watching him. I do pass him off to my mom, a lot, because I just don't want to deal with it. I've lived 27 years without dealing with kids, so this is very new to me. Plus, I look up things on the internet to find out what the fuck I have to do, and people tell me it's my "motherly instincts" kicking in. No, I just want to make sure the kid doesn't die in my care!

empresskara
06-22-2010, 11:50 PM
I had to babysit yesterday for a friend's children. I love them. They are awesome kids. But I had to change a poopy diaper and now my vagina is closed forever!

Mori
06-23-2010, 12:12 AM
Oh god, Aidan (the nephew) has some sort of ass rot or something, because the most foul things come out of his butt. And it's GREEN! :eek:

Dan
06-23-2010, 06:41 AM
Ew, take it to the parents' forum.

Lágnætti
06-23-2010, 12:03 PM
Yes, please. No desire to hear baby poo discussions here. *vom*

Anyway, yeah, pregnancy is about as 'creative' as the end result of digestion or respiration. It's an involuntary biological process, no creativity or active participation involved.

Now, bringing up a child to be a decent member of society, that takes some major effort and skill, effort that far too many people don't want to make and skill they obviously lack. My 'crap parent' radar starts pinging madly whenever someone starts lauding the process of procreation as if parenting ends there. I've never heard a decent parent start twatting on about their mad creative skills in getting knocked up.

It also bothers me when people start telling women procreation is their One True Purpose and that popping out a kid is the most creative thing they can ever do. Peel back the thin layer of dubious flattery and you'll usually find a well of misogny and self-hatred underneath. The people who spout this stuff will never, you'll notice, tell a man that being a father is his purpose in life or his highest acheivement and that they should give up all dreams, interests and ambition and just go knock some chick up, it's so creative, darling. No, that one's reserved for women. Funny, that.

Mori
06-23-2010, 07:38 PM
well, it IS a reason to be childfree!

SMMY
06-23-2010, 07:43 PM
well, it IS a reason to be childfree!

so is posting pics of afterbirth, but I don't think it needs to be shared here.

JayPeaches
06-23-2010, 07:47 PM
Speaking of afterbirth, I was getting a tour of the hospital's newly designed lab, and we have a person dedicated to rummaging through placentas. That's all he does, all day long (we deliver lots of bebes). That's just...ewww!

SMMY
06-23-2010, 07:52 PM
ok, I'm officially tossing my egg salad sandwich in the trash now.

Medusa
06-23-2010, 08:37 PM
Arguably, it should have been thrown there prior to the discussion of afterbirth.

Kala
06-23-2010, 09:02 PM
Please STOP. No more posts about rotting asses and afterbirths. [hand]

Chalk
06-23-2010, 09:26 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JICcfQPIP-Y

Chalk
06-23-2010, 09:31 PM
Also, this needs to be re-posted (http://www.unforumzed.com/showthread.php?45-STFU-Parents&p=4245&viewfull=1#post4245):

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l0icjsnzcd1qzyycoo1_500.jpg

Mori
06-24-2010, 04:18 AM
I won't go that far. ;)

Robin Sparkles
06-24-2010, 09:28 PM
http://www.cracked.com/article_16508_p2.html

Here are six more reasons.

JayPeaches
06-25-2010, 01:30 AM
Eww! Alien-shaped heads! Eww eww eww!

marci
06-25-2010, 02:18 AM
Ok... I'm no longer on the fence about wanting kids.
Do. Not. Want. ;l

Canodiva1
06-25-2010, 07:51 AM
So, one of the design blogs I used to read is written by a woman that just had a kid about 5 weeks ago. The entire time she was pregnant, she kept talking about how she didn't want her design blog to become a mom blog. Yeah, I'll give you two guesses as to how that went. I made the mistake of reading it today, and she was still talking about how she lays in bed at night and her daughter is all she can think about. Oh, and how she would forget she was pregnant all the time, because she was so busy.

Really, you forgot about being pregnant? Cause you talked about it all the fucking time, lady.

The idea of laying in bed at night and thinking of nothing but my offspring just doesn't appeal to me. In the words of Willow, bored now!

fox in socks
06-25-2010, 11:00 AM
i think one of the things that motivates me in life is always having an opportunity (even if its not the best one) to pack up and go. even if im not going anywhere exotic, i like the ability to be spontaneous.

last year we went a-travellin' with my inlaws. my boy and i were able to do little spontaneous things--rock the art museum, nip into the pub, walk a hill. my bro/sis in law had "plans" before they had their weeun to do the same, but none of that happened. mostly because it took a good 20-30 minutes to get all the shit together to even get baby on the road and from there it was too much crying for the museum, too late (8:30p) to bring baby to the pub, and walking a hill was a total out (they hadnt the equipment). :eek:

lets just say if i travel somewhere near or far, i want to be able to do whatever. totally selfish to make it about me some might say, but i can recognize and accept that. and i dont want it to change.

Lágnætti
06-25-2010, 12:49 PM
Oh, I've deleted so many blogs and journals I used to read once the owner got knocked up, simply because inevitably what used to be a reasonable or diverse read turned into nothing but this endless bio-preening and the entire ick-inducing contemporary pregnancy narcissism shebang that almost giddily fulfills every single misogynist sterotype about women being solely fulfilled and stimulated by breeding.

Once someone starts down that road, they're deleted. Forget ever adding them back because once they've committed themselves to that route, the next stop is inevitably endless years of LOOKATMAHBABY photo narcissism via of course, the 'birth story' (it's a story now? can my next trip to the bathroom be my 'excretion story' then?) and really darlings, nobody of sound mind wants to read about your endless baby-based domestic minutiaie, which mostly seems to be based around poo, wee and other bodily excretions for some reason I don't quite understand. Really. Not unless you're really, really, really funny about it and face it, most people aren't.

I know in an age when women have fewer children and later in life as opposed to shitting them out yearly until their teeth fall out and they drown a few in the tub at birth just to get some peace and quiet, pregnancy is going to be a little more fascinating as an experience than it maybe used to be, but come on. The narcissism reproduction brings out in women these days is beyond offputting.

Lágnætti
06-25-2010, 12:52 PM
i think one of the things that motivates me in life is always having an opportunity (even if its not the best one) to pack up and go. even if im not going anywhere exotic, i like the ability to be spontaneous.

Oh, me too. It's a rational reason for not wanting kids, among others. But I'm in the same boat as the others in this thread who always simply knew on a basic gut level that they never wanted kids. I can break down many reasons why kids would be a bad idea rationally (time, money, space, temperament etc), if you want, but the real reason is simply my personal instinct has always been no to kids the way other peoples' has always been yes.

JayPeaches
06-25-2010, 01:14 PM
I can break down many reasons why kids would be a bad idea rationally (time, money, space, temperament etc), if you want, but the real reason is simply my personal instinct has always been no to kids the way other peoples' has always been yes.

I was wondering that...if most childfree folk always knew they didn't want kids, or it was something that arose later in life.

Lágnætti
06-25-2010, 01:29 PM
Well, for me and for older women (as in reaching the limit of or past their childbearing years) I know who are childfree, it mostly seems to be the case.

Problem is - and this generally makes people mad at me - I've seen a lot of people confuse not wanting kids now for various reasons with never wanting kids. The term 'childfree' was specifically coined to describe not missing the boat with regard to having kids, not being infertile and unable to have kids, not not wanting kids kinda much then deciding to have one when you missed a pill or your husband/mother nagged you into continuing the pregnancy, but people who always knew, no way, no how, never, ever. Gut-level stuff.

Canodiva1
06-26-2010, 05:17 AM
gog - I hear that. I've got 4 or 5 couple friends that were "childfree" until they decided to start having babies in the last year. And not a "whoops, I accidentally got knocked up" pregnancy either, they were deliberately planning and trying to get pregnant. Buh.

Robin Sparkles
06-30-2010, 10:08 PM
And yet another reason...

A letter to... my placenta (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/apr/17/placenta-letter-childbirth)

I didn't even read it all. I can't stomach it.

toriMODE
06-30-2010, 11:13 PM
Since I was a child, I have never wanted to have children. My sister is pregnant with her 5th. I'm like "you do know where those come from, right?" She pays one of her oldest daughters to babysit her youngest. So I'm thinking, ohhhhh so that's how you are a mother, have a job, and go to nursing school!

JayPeaches
06-30-2010, 11:16 PM
And yet another reason...

A letter to... my placenta (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/apr/17/placenta-letter-childbirth)

I didn't even read it all. I can't stomach it.

That reminds me of that lady on A&E's Obsessed who had a miscarriage or maybe a D&C for medical reasons and had the hospital give her the "fetus." She kept it in her freezer for like years and years and years. Ugh.

SweetPea
06-30-2010, 11:38 PM
And yet another reason...

A letter to... my placenta (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/apr/17/placenta-letter-childbirth)

I didn't even read it all. I can't stomach it.

Ugh, I just read that. I am hoping it's a joke... it's a joke... right?! O_o If it's not, that woman is clearly insane. Who fucking "paints" with their placenta?! Crazy people do.

Catie, since you didn't finish reading it... they used her "paintings" as invitations *gag*

Churumbela
06-30-2010, 11:41 PM
People do all sorts of ridiculous things with placentas. Just ask the blogger at STFU, Parents.

I used to be a camp counselor, and one of my co-counselors was a parent. He and his wife had placenta in their freezer. They were keeping it frozen until they bought a house of their own, at which time they would bury it and plant a tree, or something.

Chalk
06-30-2010, 11:43 PM
People do all sorts of ridiculous things with placentas. Just ask the blogger at STFU, Parents.


^^Some of that stuff is vomit inducing. There's even a cookbook....

JayPeaches
06-30-2010, 11:45 PM
On a different note, a friend of mine's physician advised her to "squirt breast milk" in her son's eye to help cure his gunky eye infection.

Churumbela
06-30-2010, 11:46 PM
My mum and I went to see the documentary "Babies" a few weeks ago (and it was really cute, but still don't want one!), and one of the mums squirted breast milk on the baby's face to clean it. Poor thing looked really startled!

DarkLuna
07-01-2010, 04:58 AM
I can't even handle the prospect of hav OH MY GOD A CENTIPEDE ON MY COUCH ALSKJDHLAKJSHLKJ having a dog to take care of, let alone a baby. I couldn't deal with having to constantly worry about getting back to the dog or having to make arrangements if I intended to stay out beyond a certain length of time, and that responsibility is infinitesimal compared to the responsibility of raising a human being.

Maeve
07-01-2010, 08:25 AM
I'm in the "never desired" them club. I'm more of a pet person. I see a cute puppy or cat and squeal over it like people do with babies.

This.


I just don't really like kids - whether they're 14 months or 14 years old. And I also like my freedom.

And this.


I can barely take care of myself.

And this too.


I couldn't cope with the responsibility (I leave bags on the train, forget to water plants) and, quite honestly, I'm way too selfish. Simple as. I like my £££ and my time to be my own. (And there's enough people on the planet as it is.)

And also this.


Too often people take too lightly the responsibility of raising a child.
It's hard work. I was 16 when my mother had my sister, I saw it all and if I already didn't want to have kids with that I confirmed my idea.
It takes a lot of dedication and maturity, steady adequate incomes, desire for sacrificing one's own time for another person not only because you want to but because this person needs it... you can't phone your child one night and say "Hi, darling, tonight I have a bad headache, you'll have to do everything alone. Bye!"

It's always been a big NO NO to me but as time goes by I'm only more convinced of my thought.

SageBrushFire
07-07-2010, 10:08 PM
I don't want to be an old parent who can't take care of his kids but I don't want to have kids now, I can barely take care of myself. I just don't think the timing will ever be right.

Oh and there's that whole part where you have to get someone pregnant, I never really factor that in. It's probably pretty important.

eurotrash
07-08-2010, 03:12 PM
Just one more little thing-- for the first time ever, I have a S.O. who has a similar schedule, so we get home from work at the same time. I'm usually pretty beat at the end of a work day and when I lived alone, I would relish that first 30 minutes of being home, usually lying inert on the couch and think about how I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to use that time for picking up a kidlet from daycare or babysitter, listening to stories from school, supervising homework, cooking dinner, etc.

Now that I have a companion we have naked time after work and then go to happy hour and the driving range, followed by takeout. I can't imagine a world in which that arrangement isn't awesome.

JayPeaches
07-08-2010, 03:24 PM
when I lived alone, I would relish that first 30 minutes of being home, usually lying inert on the couch and think about how I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to use that time for picking up a kidlet from daycare or babysitter, listening to stories from school, supervising homework, cooking dinner, etc.

This is a big one for me and I think about it a lot. When I get home from work and chill out for an hour, or when I sleep late on the weekend and have a lazy pajama day, I think, "This would never fucking happen if I had kids." I really think I would go fucking crazy from the sheer neediness of children. It's constant, never-ending, "ME ME ME" insanity. I don't know how parents take it.

ontheindianside
07-08-2010, 04:52 PM
^
You two nailed it. I can't imagine never having "me" time.

hollerskates
07-09-2010, 03:24 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NvJs3KNdkw&feature=player_embedded

eurotrash
07-09-2010, 06:51 PM
^^ I actually really disagree with the premise (bad parenting is just bad parenting- no kid should ever act like that). But I died laughing. Mostly from the expressions of the other shoppers, because I know that's exactly the face I make. And the editing is freakin' genius. That cut to him crying?!?! awesome.


god, i just watched it again before I hit the post button.

Lágnætti
07-09-2010, 07:33 PM
That is a great commercial. Hot guy, too.

iamstilljamiepoo
07-09-2010, 08:18 PM
I was with the niece and nephews this weekend. I love them so very very much. I can leave them after a visit, though and not worry about what they are going to eat, how I am going to settle their ridiculous arguments, etc...
Their neighborhood is overrun with bratface kids and I wanted to kick.every.single.one. I bought water balloons. How fun for my NIECES AND NEPHEWS, right? Not the entire fucking neighborhood. That's what it turned out to be, though. Then they'd whine when they didn't get the balloon they wanted. And I was like, "shut up, I didn't even want you here." I would have been cool with it had they asked. Really. But they didn't. They were like vultures. My sister said they come into their garage and just take whatever they want to play with (the neighborhood kids). That's why I don't want kids. What if they end up as nightmare bratfaces? What if I inadvertantly raise them to be nightmare bratfaces. They world definitely needs more of those!

sparkhotel
11-16-2010, 04:12 AM
I

Handling myself is challenging enough, thanks though.

This.

Nora
01-19-2011, 10:47 PM
I hadn't encountered the term "childfree" before visiting this forum, but it's so apt.

I've known since I was little. No way, no how. Fortunately, I receive no pressure from my parents (they're much more concerned my sister is going to get accidentally knocked up. I don't blame 'em.)

I find pregnancy fascinating, as a bifurcation of a person's body and psyche that has seriously detrimental effects on a woman. And yet, discussing pregnancy's ills (beyond morning sickness and other bodily inconveniences of the nature) is strictly taboo for pregnant women. I don't find it fascinating as a "miracle of life" or a creative output. Has anyone read Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse? She suggests that one can either be a dissatisfied mother, like Mrs. Ramsey, or an artist, like Lily Briscoe, but not both. Things have changed in the 80 years since that book was published, but not much.

Which leads me to my main reason: my career. There is NO WAY I am fucking that up. Just a short amount of time out of the game will haunt me forever, and in my field, in these economic times, I might as well give up.

My other reason is The Feminine Mystique. It's outdated, but it's not.

ETA. I'm perfectly happy, whole, and complete as things are. Just like I don't need a romantic interest to make me feel complete, I don't need a piss ant child to round out my life. I never feel as though I'm choosing between my career/creative output and a child; it would only come out as sounding that way when I have to justify my atypical choice to an orthodox interrogator.

fullofwish
03-06-2011, 01:36 AM
This thread is really interesting to me. I've only ever known one other person (my best friend) who has no interest in having children.

When I was in high school, I was voted "most likely to be barefoot and pregnant". Not because I was having sex, but because while all my classmates were planning to go to university, careers, etc I used to say "oh, I just want to be a mum". When I left high school, and actually got into real relationships, and did some travelling etc my outlook completely changed. I wanted a baby before because I felt unloved and felt that a child would give me purpose and love. Of course, in hindsight, I can't believe my brain actually worked that way, but it did.

In my early to mid 20's I began to echo a lot of the sentiments expressed here. I had no real desire to having kids, didn't want to give up my freedom, didn't want to be "committed" to something for the rest of my life (hence I also have reservations about marriage!) etc etc. About six years ago my friends started to have babies. And the same people I used to have interesting, exciting, challenging conversations with turned - literally - into babbling baby speak. So, my main reason for not having kids is that I don't want to lose my interesting-ness!! I don't want to make myself second to another person, ever. Its suffocating and completely inauthentic, to me. I left a great, long-term relationship last year because we could not agree on having children. He couldn't give up that part of him, and I couldn't allow myself to surrender either.

I also have a strong resentment for the role of mother as the "default" option for women (which someone else spoke about earlier). I'm not a career woman (yet) and I don't know if I will ever be, but I desperately want to pursue a life that is neither driven by family or driven by work. There must be something else, and I intend to find it!

I have also, finally, acknowledged that I cannot stay in one place for very long. I have a life where I up and move frequently, change jobs, etc ... and I don't need a child to get in the way of that because it would just make me resentful. I just want to live according to my whims and gather a collection of stories that one day I might tell my nephews and nieces while I'm in a rocking chair or something! I might end up being the only one in my family who doesn't have kids, but I'd rather be an interesting, fun aunty to their kids because I chose to be myself.

hollerskates
03-15-2011, 02:12 AM
reason 423: my mom called me to tell me that my sister, who just had a baby on friday, has hemorrhoids and finally had a bowel movement. the very idea that someone, somewhere is talking about the state of my anus and the movements therein...i love you, birth control.

Mori
03-22-2011, 03:29 AM
I guess I'm not completely childfree because I still live with my parents who have custody of their grandson (obviously he'd be my nephew). He's 14 months and is a handful. People are saying how good I am with helping out (HELPING being the key word here) and that I'd make a great mother. Well, first I sort of have to help out since my dad works all hours and my mom is 51 yrs old and has complications from a stroke and has epilepsy. Second, he's still part of my family, is just a baby and I'm his aunt, so there is that family bond and love that forms.

I can safety say, however, that this experience just cements my decision on why I don't want any of my own.

JayPeaches
03-22-2011, 11:56 AM
reason 423: my mom called me to tell me that my sister, who just had a baby on friday, has hemorrhoids and finally had a bowel movement. the very idea that someone, somewhere is talking about the state of my anus and the movements therein...i love you, birth control.

Ugh! Along a similar vein, a friend of ours just had a baby and she now has a full-blown bacterial infection in one breast from a breast-feeding attempt. BARF.

hollerskates
03-22-2011, 03:20 PM
right. it's not enough that a baby burst through a hole in your body, but now you have infected breasts?? no, no, no, no, no.

SweetPea
03-23-2011, 02:40 AM
Ugh! Along a similar vein, a friend of ours just had a baby and she now has a full-blown bacterial infection in one breast from a breast-feeding attempt. BARF.

That can happen?! A boob-infection?! *grasps boobs* Jesus H... nonononono

SweetPea
03-23-2011, 02:45 AM
right. it's not enough that a baby burst through a hole in your body, but now you have infected breasts?? no, no, no, no, no.

Exactly.

I don't understand... "Yay! You just shoved a series of large grapefruits through your lady bits! Now get ready for a asshole full of burning hemroids, bacteria infested tits, sagging skin, dislocated hips, and uncontrollable depression... Oh, and you won't get a normal healthy nights sleep for the next 6 years. Congrats!"

How is this a good thing?!

Maeve
03-24-2011, 03:29 AM
I can safety say, however, that this experience just cements my decision on why I don't want any of my own.

I'm 16 years older than my sister so I lived every bit of her life since she was born... and I helped a lot. I'm satisfied to say that now she's an accomplished, smart, pretty young lady and for me that's it. I've done all a woman can do for and with a baby except giving birth to one and I really don't feel the need to.



Exactly.

I don't understand... "Yay! You just shoved a series of large grapefruits through your lady bits! Now get ready for a asshole full of burning hemroids, bacteria infested tits, sagging skin, dislocated hips, and uncontrollable depression... Oh, and you won't get a normal healthy nights sleep for the next 6 years. Congrats!"

How is this a good thing?!

Well, honestly it's not all a disaster.
It's common that bad news emerge more and stick in our minds, so we don't count the huge number of women who gave birth happily without troubles of any kind. :)
For most women pregnancy, giving birth and nurturing a child is a great thing. Obviously for those like us who don't give a damn about it, infections, hemroids, depression and other possible (not necessarily usual) problems just add to the fact that we don't feel that need. That doesn't make it a bad thing in an absolute way.
As far as I know, for example, my mother never had any problem nor with me or with my sister and she had with both of us all the sleep she needed. I could be blessed by a genetic set of trouble-less motherhood but this isn't going to change my mind. :D

SweetPea
03-24-2011, 02:20 PM
Well, I know that these things are "common" but it still doesn't change the fact that gross things happen more often than not for women who choose to have a baby. I have horror stories from all my child-bearing friends (and my mother). As far as I know, any woman who says they got "plenty of sleep" with a new born is either fibbing or they had a great nanny... even my mother, who kicks fucking ass, says this... but *shrug* either way... childbirth is gross.

fox in socks
02-02-2014, 12:51 AM
http://cdn.www.babble.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/PTGFAKECOVER2.jpg this was a mommyblog misery loves company lol post. But, I don't think it's hyperbole.....

lioness
02-05-2014, 04:02 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=4AhGvR0143s

fullofwish
07-06-2014, 12:22 AM
I had dinner with my sister and a friend on Friday night, and we talked a lot about having kids. We're all in our early 30's, but with quite different situations. My sister is married and currently trying to decide whether to pay for IVF since she has a medical condition that makes it hard to conceive; she wants to have kids but accepts that if she doesn't, its not the end of the world. My friend is in a long-term relationship, has no intention of getting married or having kids, but her boyfriend is from a Croatian family who put a bit of pressure on her to do the marriage and kids thing. I'm single and staunchly childfree.

So we had a long conversation about the reasons not to have kids and the comments we get from people about not having/not wanting kids. It was so interesting. We all had different reasons and ideas about non-motherhood, but mostly they revolved around happiness and not wanting to have to rely on the default options for women (be a mother; be a career woman; be a super woman who has both things) when there are plenty of pathways to choose from which don't necessarily involve either work or motherhood.

Anyway, then today I read this snippet from an article with Cameron Diaz (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/02/camerone-diaz-childfree-quote-esquire-magazine_n_5552716.html?&ir=Latino+Voices&ncid=tweetlnkushpmg00000052) who is childfree, and I thought she made some nice points which echoed the ones we talked about.


It's so much more work to have children. To have lives besides your own that you are responsible for -- I didn't take that on. That did make things easier for me. A baby -- that's all day, every day for eighteen years. Not having a baby might really make things easier, but that doesn't make it an easy decision. I like protecting people, but I was never drawn to being a mother. I have it much easier than any of them. That's just what it is. Doesn't mean life isn't sometimes hard. I'm just what I am. I work on what I am. Right now, I think, things are good for me. I've done a lot. And I don't care anymore.

I liked the bolded parts especially because I resent the idea that people without kids have it easy. Sure, it may be easier but that doesn't mean life is all unicorns and kittens and disposable income.

CC
07-06-2014, 08:20 AM
.

iamstilljamiepoo
09-29-2014, 10:11 AM
I think I've mentioned my friend on here a few times. Paid thousands of dollars for IVF. I was supportive through that. She went on and on incessantly about wanting a baby for years and years. I listened.

So, the IVF worked on the first try. Then she had twins. They were ten weeks early. I hung out with her in the NICU a few times, gave her rides and such when she couldn't drive. I've only visited her once since the babies have been home. I just..tiny babies freak me the fuck out. That, and I've had some health issues.

I had a partial hysterectomy three years ago and the problems that caused that persisted, so three weeks ago I had the rest of the lady bits removed. It's been difficult, just because there was some bowel stuff going on too. And hormones! Whew! I had made peace with the no babies for Jamie thing and in the end was pretty damn thankful I never had the chance because ick. Just not me. Doesn't stop people from giving me the head tilt sympathy look, but whatever.

The last week or so I'd been feeling guilty for not talking to the above-mentioned friend. That and some ppl freak when you call after they've had babies since they might be sleeping and heaven forbid you wake a baby. I finally call. The first thing she says to me after pleasantries are exchanged: "Man, this baby thing is hard. I wish I'd had a hysterectomy and you'd had twins."

That is fucking shitty on so many levels. I don't even. I may not know what it's like to have had twins or what work that entails, but she doesn't have a fucking clue what this is like, either.

Nancy
09-30-2014, 10:15 AM
^ That is self-absorbed, thoughtless, and downright cruel.

Tonic
09-30-2014, 12:17 PM
I have this friend who was bound and determined to have kids despite fertility issues. She did everything and spent huge amounts of money. Adoption was not what she wanted. She wanted them to have her DNA. Years and years of "trying" and she had twins. They're presently 5 years old.

She now says, with no hyperbole, that she would reverse her decision if she could and go childless. Since we're now thinking of adoption, she constantly tells us how awful having kids is and what a mistake it would be. Honestly, her latest comment (I'll try to quote as closely as I can remember): "You know that feeling that people tell you about how wonderful parenting is and how there are times with the children that make it all worth it? Well, about 90% of the time it's sheer hell, 5% of the time it's really bad, 3% of the time it's not fun but you can handle it, 1.5% of the time it's okay and .5% of the time it's wonderful, funny and all worth it. If I'm exaggerating, it's only by giving the all worth it percentage a greater number than it really has."

Stephanie
09-30-2014, 02:08 PM
I don't think it's uncommon for parents to feel that way, I think it's very rare that they will admit it to anyone but themselves though.

JayPeaches
09-30-2014, 04:00 PM
I remember spending a session with my therapist talking about my feelings on having kids (I'm on the fence - I want them, then I don't, then I do, then I don't) and I said something like, "Well I guess if I do have kids I would never regret it," and her response was to roll her eyes and say, "Are you kidding me? I have multiple people sitting in front of me EVERY DAY that regret having kids." So, yeah. They might not admit it to most people, or even to themselves, but plenty of people regret having children.

I also remember a friend of mine telling me something similar to what Tonic said, that, "Having kids is 99% shit and 1% good." Yikes!

Lágnætti
09-30-2014, 04:59 PM
I've had women roll up to me apropos of nothing at work and both drunk and sober outside work and tell me how I'm right and clever not to have kids (or husbands!) because they wouldn't if they knew what they knew now. I'm always like, "Er, OK, thanks!" Not sure what else I can say. "Have you ever thought of retro-active abortion?" I think it's OK to admit such things to the woman who's been out and frank about not wanting anything to do with lifescript shit. Not so amongst the hordes of mombies though. Howls of outrage sure to follow. They also tend to use the word 'lucky' which I fnd odd. It's not luck, it's integrity, darlings. You stay true to yourself or you choose to do stuff you don't really want to to please some other bastard. Luck has nothing to do with it.

One of my strongest memories of my late maternal grandmother is her turning to me a few years before she died at age 90 and saying she wished she had never had got married or had kids, that she wished she'd joined the army and seen the world instead. I can still remember the strength of emotion and brutal honesty in her voice at that point and it always comes back to me when I'm being pressured in one way or another to betray myself.

Jessy
09-30-2014, 07:10 PM
I don't know if the decision to be child-free has something to do with our upbringing, but Christ, I grew up with a miserable mother and knew she resented us. I guess some people either think "I would never want to put a child through that" thus being child-free, while others need to prove that they need to be better than their parents so they feel the need to have kids? I don't know. I like to think I wouldn't resent the hell out of my kids, but it's hard to say.

fullofwish
09-30-2014, 07:32 PM
I don't know if the decision to be child-free has something to do with our upbringing, but Christ, I grew up with a miserable mother and knew she resented us.

My best friend is childfree and she has a terrible relationship with her mother (because her mother was a terrible parent), but OTOH, I'm childfree and I have wonderful parents. My relationship with my mum is more tense and complicated than with my dad, but she was a great mother. I lucked out on the parent stakes. That may be the exception to the rule though.

I've been thinking a lot about being childfree recently, because I've been getting out a little into the dating world and almost every guy I meet has kids. Somewhere between 34 and 35 I've stepped past the threshold where I can reasonably assume a guy I meet doesn't have kids. It throws up a lot of questions for me: how do I feel about being a step-parent? To how many kids? Do I have an age cut-off under which the kids are too young? It makes me think about whether me being child-free is because I just don't want to deal with those early years before they can basically look after themselves. Or that I don't want to be financially responsible for children. Or some other factor. I'm not sure.

JayPeaches
09-30-2014, 07:35 PM
I think my Mom enjoyed motherhood. She stayed home and while I'm sure she had moments of regret, I think it made her happy. She was hilarious when I would pester her, though. Her favorite thing to say to me was, "Go amuse yourself!" ;l Also my parents were really great about keeping an active social life despite having kids - they went on dates nearly every weekend and were always throwing parties. So maybe they were just good at the whole kids/relationship balance.

My brother? OMG. He has become positively wretched since having kids. I'd feel bad for him if he hadn't turned into such a jerk. He used to be so laid back and fun, now he's just uptight, stressed and pissed off all the time. I've noticed he's finding more and more excuses to be away from home (all related to work, which is legitimate, but I think he signs up for non-mandatory stuff). He and his wife NEVER do anything together - I think they've had a babysitter maybe 4 times in 8 years. It's not like his kids are hellions or anything, but it's obvious that he doesn't have the patience for parenthood.

spyk_
09-30-2014, 09:02 PM
I think my mum would have been much happier if she'd never had me or my brother, and she's been a great parent. She's quite neuortic and shy and I get the sense that a lot of that comes from having to constantly think about other people (she also nurses the elderly for a living so she never stops being a mother in a sense). Now me and my brother have left home (for now) I can tell she's having a much better time. She just came up and visited me today; we went for lunch and did touristy things and it was great. I can see her in an alternate universe living on her own and being much more confident and loving it. I don't say that she was a great mother to be disrespectful to those with more challenging relationships with their parents, but it's just that sometimes the indicators of unhappiness are much more subtle. I can't imagine her even considering not having children, but I've always felt like I've made her something of a victim in some ways. I suppose we all have these sorts of hang ups with our parents. My father, on the other hand, has no imagination and would probably have wasted away without my mother. I cannot imagine him not being married and having children, at all.

Kala
09-30-2014, 11:31 PM
These parents who admit that they'd rather not have chosen to have children - I give them kudos for their honesty but feel really sorry for their kids. Unless the parents are super great at hiding their true feelings towards their children (which I doubt), their offspring for sure are going to grow up feeling unwanted and that's a terrible thing to do to a child.

And as to "dying alone" if you don't have children - that is complete rubbish. Who's to say that a child is going to stick around and be there for their parents when they get old? Today tons of people relocate and live miles away from the home they were raised in - these folks have established their own lives outside of their parents and some rarely ever see them anymore.

emanate
10-01-2014, 01:10 PM
I can see her in an alternate universe living on her own and being much more confident and loving it. I don't say that she was a great mother to be disrespectful to those with more challenging relationships with their parents, but it's just that sometimes the indicators of unhappiness are much more subtle.

I never would've thought to phrase it that way, but I can imagine my mom in that scenario too. Some elements of my own life -- my career, the places I've traveled so far, my childfree-ness -- are things that she never really got the chance to do because she was married at 19 and also has health issues that prevent her from spending large amounts of time away from home. I think some of my striving toward various things in life are encouraged by the fact that I want to do and see things she never got the chance to do or see in person. [post28]

Tonic
10-06-2014, 11:19 PM
These parents who admit that they'd rather not have chosen to have children - I give them kudos for their honesty but feel really sorry for their kids. Unless the parents are super great at hiding their true feelings towards their children (which I doubt), their offspring for sure are going to grow up feeling unwanted and that's a terrible thing to do to a child.

And as to "dying alone" if you don't have children - that is complete rubbish. Who's to say that a child is going to stick around and be there for their parents when they get old? Today tons of people relocate and live miles away from the home they were raised in - these folks have established their own lives outside of their parents and some rarely ever see them anymore.

I do vacillate between loving the honesty and knowing that somehow children always pick up on these things as well. On the other end of the spectrum, I have a different friend who is very mature and cool, who has always dealt with depression, etc. She has three boys and her philosophy is that while she might fuck up many things in her life she "will not fuck up being a mother." And she doesn't! She's a really wonderful parent despite her inner-struggles.

As to the "dying alone" factor -- I've seen too many instances of children just sticking older parents in nursing homes. If dying alone is a concern, saving all the money you would've spent on raising children in order to ensure better care and surroundings in your old age seems MUCH wiser.

If I had to pinpoint my greatest fear about not having children, it would be the fear of missing out on deeper relationships that one might have with offspring. I'm an introvert and don't have a lot of faith in typical social ties. I am pretty confident that I'd provide great bonds as a parent though. I think I'm overall jaded about everything. lol... I guess that would be better served in another thread.

inexcelsis17
03-20-2015, 10:13 AM
From The Oatmeal
http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/kids/kids_vertical.png

Mori
03-20-2015, 04:03 PM
^Most accurate depiction of what it's like to have kids. Shit and puke. all day. Everywhere.

Zach
06-11-2016, 09:26 AM
https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-K7MGJyAbmGQ/V1ndK6toazI/AAAAAAAAFt8/gjkofryy9AIYXXZgA0_xbyZPpZpuy6z4QCL0B/w718-h485-no/16%2B-%2B1

Nancy
06-11-2016, 10:05 AM
:)

dAmION
08-07-2016, 09:15 PM
I think they're too many people on the planet and the vast majority of people with kids simply do not know how to take care of them. Also I think that you basically put your life on the back-burner for children and that's something I just don't want to do. Also I think of the majority of children as life-sucking brats who need endless amounts of attention to be assuaged. So, no kids for me.

soignee
10-03-2016, 09:53 AM
Nothing like two trips to Ikea over the weekend to make you realize how great childfree is. For fuck's sake you know your kid is being a little shit and throwing things around in the light area, I see you lady, ignoring him.


PS: FOR FUCK'S SAKE THERE IS A FREE CRECHE AND CHILDCARE SERVICE GO THROW YOUR CHILDREN AT THAT AND LET ME ARGUE WITH MY PARTNER OVER CHAIRS IN PEACE

iamstilljamiepoo
10-13-2016, 04:32 PM
I live across the street from a park. When I moved I thought, 'Oh, what a lovely park.' I did not think this through. The music nights in the park are great; the middle of the afternoon with this one random screaming neighborhood child isn't go great. I can't stand that kid.