View Full Version : Young children in weddings - bad idea?

01-19-2013, 02:14 AM
My son Jacob is 3 and a half. Mostly well behaved. Starts out shy, but becomes a showoff after some time.

My brother is getting married and wants Jacob to be the ring bearer. I'm worried he's not going to cooperate on the day and ruin the whole ceremony. I don't want to stress out the bride, but I feel like saying it's a bad idea. He could be fine, but kids are so unpredictable.

It's in a big church with a reasonably long aisle. I can see it now - "carry me, mummy" or he's just standing there crying, or he's running away with the rings, with the bridesmaid chasing after him.

Anyone got any advice on how to make the day go smoothly? Anyone think I should just not have him participate?

01-19-2013, 08:14 AM
If your son is anything like my nephew, who likes to act "like a big boy" a lot of the times, this would give him the chance to kind of be in that moment. Also promise some sort of reward if he behaves and goes through with it.try practicing beforehand with this, and see if he's able to focus more and more.

01-19-2013, 02:47 PM
My son was a ring bearer when he was about 4. They wanted my younger son too who was 2 but said not to that - they'd end up fighting/wrestling surely. But my 4 year old did pretty good. There was rehearsal and the fact he was in a suit - he knew this was a big deal. I was a bridesmaid and my husband was on hand to have him sit with him during the service. They weren't rambunctions but he did bring both in the back of the church for most of the service.

I say go for it - but have little to no expectation he'll stay at the alter and be prepared with a solid back up plan for removal ;)

01-19-2013, 03:38 PM
I used children in my wedding and my MIL who complains about EVERYTHING complained about these 8 yr old girls (petal throwers) being in the pictures making stupid faces (not on purpose) or sometimes just plain looking bored. In the end, I agree with her, but it was a destination wedding so half my guests wouldnt be able to show up had I made it a no kids event.

Last weekend I was at a child free wedding. It was like a freaking vacation. Glorious, tasteful and smooth. ( I have 2 kids under 3)

01-19-2013, 08:35 PM
Mori, yes, I think the reward and the practice are good ideas. Have started trying simply to get him walk up the hallway holding a small cushion in his hands. Baby steps!

Jezebelle, my husband is in the wedding party, like you were, so I will sit with him during the service, so he can walk to me. I just need someone at the back to usher him off before he begins his walk to the altar. You mentioned him maybe liking being in a suit. Going by his performance at the first suit fitting yesterday, him simply leaving his jacket on and not crying is going to be problematic!

Frangi, I can imagine your relief at being at a child-free wedding. It's funny how some people get narky that they can't bring their precious children to weddings, but like yourself, I actually welcome the chance to go to a wedding unburdened by my little 'angel'!

01-21-2013, 02:00 AM
My daughter sounds exactly like your son personality-wise. Last Fall, when she was 3, she was a flower-girl in BIL's wedding. My husband was in the wedding party, so was a familiar face at the end of the aisle for her. And SIL was a brides-maid, so she was able to shoo her off towards her dad when it was time. She spent the service with SIL at the front of the aisle. She did get fidgety, but not in a way that detracted from the ceremony. She loved being able to dress up and get her hair done, so that was reward enough. I made sure she was very well-rested and kept snacks flowing beforehand so she didn't get nasty due to lack of sleep or low blood sugar. One thing to consider is the type of ceremony. BIL's was a fairly short Methodist affair. I'm not sure how she would have handled it if it had been a Catholic or other longer ceremony.