Queer film, novels, art

[Carey]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Carey again.

Are we twins? The same here for me. All the way. Except for Rome and all that. CMBYN is now a part of me and every boyfriend has to read it. It's glorious torture. And as I've said before, Futile Devices could've been written for the movie. Maybe he wrote it after reading it? Who knows. Probably not but it just WORKS. And I'll be a blubbering mess in the theatre when that song plays

I guess we are! Yes, Future Devices is perfect. I'll always associate this book with ASF, though, because they both hold the same space in my heart.

So I assume you two also had a similar experience as Elio?
I did. Well, my own experience, different setting and different scenarios but their were parts that were almost exactly that way. I was 16 and he was 23 and it was all so perfect and I was just very lucky that my first ever anything was with someone similar to Oliver. Although it lasted off and on a year an a half.

Sadly no, I never experienced anything like that. My first love's soundtrack was Alanis' Hands Clean, and I was a bit older (18) so...
Still, when I was 16 I craved for something like that. And, years later, it was shocking to see it written on paper so clearly, in a way that just traced the stories I used to make up in my mind.

The first gay-themed book I read, back when I was 17, was "The World Of Normal Boys" by KM Soehnlein. I gave it to my first boyfriend and never got it back, so I barely remember how it was and I'l love to read it again, but it's out print. Then I read Maurice, but I disliked it: I wanted the fairytale, not that raw reality. I should read it again, now that I'm older and I've grown to love Forster's work.

[Adam]

Yes. CMBYN makes 16 year old me so jealous. I often say that I'll never be as sexual as I was then. I wish that the testosterone hit in a man's 20's instead of around 12. ALL I did as a teen was dream of being with another guy ( usually older) and in eastern ky, that wasn't about to happen. Obviously, for various reasons, the adult me is glad that I didn't find a 23 year old to obsess over because I had nowhere near the emotional maturity to process that or to know if I was being taken advantage of in anyway ( worst case scenario, but likely, a nefarious manner). But as much as 16 year old me sees CMBYN as an amazing fantasy, the adult me sees it as a reflection of relationships I've had that were impossible and the beautiful, horrible ache of them.

[folderol and]

The best thing about that book is that it's not an LGBT book, it's a book about time (Aciman is a proustian academic) and about... not love, it doesn't really talk about love. It talks about how absence and distance can magnify your dreams so much that you can project the most intimate core of yourself onto someone else.

Thank you for this (and for your whole post); that's such a perfect description of the book. Thanks also to everyone who talked about this book; as a result I went out and got it, and finished it a few days ago. I read it in three days. I don't think I've ever had such a visceral reaction to a book. I cried when I finished it as well.

The first 80 or so pages were torture to read, on a personal level; it really brought me back to being seventeen, and the initial silent shame that came with realizing my homosexuality - the desire for someone that's so strong, you can barely contain it, but can't really explain it either. I'm 26 now, and I've spent so much time living outside of that shadow, having put it behind me, that being reminded of that painful period was really triggering. Once the two characters revealed their feelings for each other, the story got so beautiful, and I continued to see so much of myself in the story - not necessarily in the experiences the characters had, but in everything they felt within those experiences. I feel like I've lived through some version of what they went through.

It also made me think about my first sexual experience, my first love, at seventeen - and, looking back, how innocent it all felt, despite whatever pain followed. There is so much innocence in what Elio and Oliver feel and experience with each other, and it reminded me of parts of myself that I hadn't thought about in a long time.

I know I'll be returning to this book at some point in the future. It's already become one of my favourites after only reading once. I saw so much of myself in it - I don't think I've ever read a book I identified with this much. So thank you guys again for bringing it to my attention.

[Volta]

I was working at an ice rink in Indianapolis and I knew I was gay but I didn't know if I would ever act on it. Looking back I just have to chuckle. Like I'd never act on it. I did grow up a Baptist.. so.
Anyhow, he was a prominent figure skater, his brother hired me at the rink.

When I asked him later (because I lied to him about my age at first) if he knew how old I really was. He said, yes, that he had seen it on my application.

Two of his friends were girls that were only a couple years older than me. I got particularly close to Kandi. She kept on me, asking me if I was gay. She'd do things like when we had a slow night she'd do my nails, always a clear coat, hehe, and she'd do my cuticles, etc.. haha.. I finally admitted I was (first time I ever told anyone) and then she asked me if I had a crush on S? And I said I did. She said he had told her that he noticed me staring at him. From that point on it was weeks and weeks of barely talking to each other.. everything was so heightened. Anytime I was close to him my body felt electric. If we brushed arms or if I stood next to him at the skate return window... it was just.. quietly trying to do whatever. And the desire was crazy. CRAZY. I finally told Kandi to tell him I liked him.

The rink was going to be open on New Years Eve and the skating didn't end til 3am. I would have never worked that schedule but I took it when I found out that S was going to be the person in charge. We had talked and talked and talked up to that point. If I hadn't chosen to work that schedule who knows if I anything would have ever happened. Because at some point we were left alone. And then it all just happened from there.
He introduced me to so much including the Abby. The coffee shop in Indy where all the gays hung out. If it wasn't for that place I'd not have met so many wonderful friends and future boyfriends. In respect to the music in my life, today, it was just down the street from the Abby where the Murat: Egyptian Room was.. which was the first place and time I saw Ani Difranco live. Which obviously is one of the most important musicians in my life today.

When he moved to Michigan it literally destroyed me. He said we'd stay close and of course we didn't. It was just a clean break and it was disruptive and I didn't handle it well at all. I was so angry and I took a lot of it out on our mutual friends for not relaying messages or giving me his new number... until finally they stopped talking to me as well. I was 16 going into 17 so I didn't know any better. I was a clingy/jealous mess. Thought I was in love and that wasn't love that was just being caught up in your first ever anything as a gay young man. Ah well.
There was an awkward incident at the end of our relationship where I dropped my class ring in his car. I didn't do it on purpose. I wasn't sure I lost it there. But I kept calling him to look. I finally got his house number and talked to his mom. I knew that he and two of his siblings lived with their mother when they were in Indianapolis. All I said was that I was one of his friends and I think I might have dropped a ring in his car. Please have him look, or maybe she could. He had so many friends I didn't think she'd find it all that funny. I left my number.

She left me a voicemail saying that she had found it and how important it must be to me. It felt like she thought that I had given it to him. Like I gave it to him as a keepsake or to show my love or something. And although he told me he wasn't out to his family.. she seemed to be in on it. And I would have never given him my class ring. It took too long to pay for the damn thing and I loved wearing it.
So it finally made it's rounds back to me at the rink. And that was that. I was so thankful my ring was back.
I did ask for something of his, actually 2 things.. but when I decided I was over him I burnt one of the items in a bonfire and I think I tossed the other out the window when I was driving. When he left I clung to them like I needed them to live and breathe. So stupid.

I saw him about 5 years later at the Abby and we said hi and chit chatted. I found him on facebook years ago and we talked a little but nothing that was too significant. I wish I would have told him thank you. Thank you for changing my life and for showing me there was a world for me and all the other things like how to have safe sex, etc. I guess I could at any time but I'm only even reflecting on it now because of this book.

Sweet memories. LOL.

[spyk_]

In anticipation of the film coming out, I read Call Me By Your Name last week.

I'm devastated. I haven't been able to have a sensible thought all week. I usually go from one book to the next but I've not been reading much else since. I think I could accuse myself of trying to pretend that I'm going to live forever, and putting off experiences in the hope that one day I might feel more ready for them. This book reminded me of the brevity and depth of life, and of the joy of being seen by another person. I don't think I can give it anything more or less than that. I think this will be one of the most important books I've ever read, and I'm not sure I'll be the same now. It's a gutting, transitory feeling. It isn't important that the story and characters are (presumably) fictitious; the writer has trusted his readers with something profound and intensely private. How much can you learn about yourself from a book? I can't wait for the film, I'm sure it's going to be excellent.

[BrotherNamedErised]

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[Ryan]

I read it too and it totally broke my heart, especially after a close friend told me it reminded him of us. Talk about an awful thing that I didn’t realize he felt until now.

[DavidIX]

Has anyone seen Love, Simon ?
I saw it last week and it was just the breath of fresh air I needed.

Really refreshing to see a thoroughly positive movie that (spoiler alert) doesn't end up with someone dying!
Hopefully it'll pave the way for more gay representation in this kind of film, a teen comedy.

Can't imagine what kind of a positive impact this kind of film would have made on me as a teen.

[Lunar]

^I saw it twice, ha. In a lot of ways, it's your normal, fairly generic teenage romance movie, but they tell this gay kid's story in a way that shows how normal it is, and that's what makes it special. It just made me feel good to watch it, even though it really made me wish I could have lived like that when I was 17.

But the best part of the whole experience for me was on one of the times I saw it, a family was also in the theater watching it together - Mom, Dad, and teenage son and daughter. And this is in the south! It really warmed my heart.

[Volta]

I loved it! To see a major studio put out a story like this in really big cinema chains.. and it did really well at the box office.
I just hope it leads to more.

They made the usual changes from the book that all adaptations do.. but I thought the changes just made the movie better.

I actually re-read the book.. well, listened to the book.. and when I was finished audible suggested a bunch of Adam Silvera novels. I've read two of them and I think "They Both Die at the End" would make an incredible film.
"More Happy Than Not".. not so much. In the movie, you actually see that book in Simon's room, btw.

Adam Silvera's books seem fresh because they don't really have happy endings. I guess we could argue that. But the unhappy endings are not the typical unhappy endings that we always see in mainstream Gay/Queer works. These young adults are going through trouble and conflict in a contemporary way that every reader could relate to. Not just people dying from illness or being repressed and bullied... which actually in the future could make being bullied for being gay a sore, draconian matter.

The more "normal" the book or the movie is presented the easier it will be on kids in the coming decades and it will be easier for them to access and appreciate the stories (real or fictional) about Stonewall, The AIDS Crisis, and Marriage Equality.

[spyk_]

Apparently God's Own Country will be appearing on US Netflix on 1st May. If you haven't already seen it I would strongly recommend it.

[Mr. Orange Clouds]

I guess we are! Yes, Future Devices is perfect. I'll always associate this book with ASF, though, because they both hold the same space in my heart.

A Sorta Fairytale was my immediate go-to song after finishing Call Me By Your Name as well. The underlying emotions of both are the exact same space as you say.

And I have to echo what everyone else has said in this thread about the book. I feel very altered after having just finished it, but I don't know in what way. I guess there's a universal truth to the effects love can have on the psyche and the soul, but those effects are so ephemeral they're hard to translate into the day to day.

As someone mentioned in this thread, my 17-year-old self related so much to Elio and the fantasy of having that perfect lover at the time. Despite the pain in the absence and the difficulty of exterior pressures on their relationship, there is something so pure in what Elio and Oliver experience that transcends the page. Obviously the scene with the peach and at Monet's Brem hold that perfect erotic and spiritual balance, but the build up and release to all their interactions make it the perfect love story. I read the book on a plane, and when Elio and his Dad talk after the Rome trip, I had to take myself to the bathroom for a good cry. I haven't been so effected by a book in a long time.

I didn't want the book to end, and I really "can't put this day back". I'll watch the movie at some point, but I think it will be jarring. I wish I had the words to describe how much this book effected me. To me, it's about the same feeling as getting your favorite, emotional Tori song at a show, having it perfectly click, knowing it can never get better than that moment. And then it's gone and just a memory, but one that's forever felt.

[gyabou]

Just poking my head in here to mention The Miseducation of Cameron Post. It's out starting today, but in pretty limited release. Despite winning the Sundance Grand Jury Prize (!) it had a hard time finding a distribution deal (because: lesbians). So keep an eye out for it in small indie theaters and such.

This is based on a Young Adult novel by Emily Danforth. It's set in the early 90s and it's about a girl who gets sent to a gay conversion therapy school by her religious family. I read the book when I was on vacation last month and it was excellent, moving and funny and sad.

It's directed by Desiree Akhavan and stars Chloe Moretz, Sasha Lane, and Jennifer Ehle. See it!!!

[Spikey]

"The Lion & the Crow" by Eli Easton, written in 2013.

Okay. So. Discovered yesterday that one of my favorite writers & game designers ever (mystery/thriller/detective genre), Jane Jensen, age 55, has been writing books since 2013 under the alias of "Eli Easton". Not just books, but of the niche type "gay romance". She published over 20 books under that name, all stories in wildly different settings, which is way more than the handful of novels she has written under her own name.

My mind is blown. What the hell? How could I not know this about her, I'm so obsessed with everything she does lol.

Anyway. So I fired up Kindle and found a slew of her books for like ... $3, $4 each, so I bought "the Lion and the Crow", which is about two knights who fall in love. This is supposed to be very casual. But the woman does her research ever so well - she is ten times the writer that Dan Brown is in the mystery department (in my humble eyes). As a fanboy I probably can't objectively look at this, am now halfway through it, but I think it has interesting characters, dark humor, dramatic but sort of accurate display of medieval times - sword fights, hunting, religion, sexual abuse, family rejection...

... and well researched hardcore porn (hence, the alias). Again Jane, lol, what the hell. You are my hero.